u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
