I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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