zippers are such a cool invention
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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