My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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