im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
