I'm jealous of your bromance
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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