And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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