I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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