i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
