Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
