when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
