If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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