even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
