my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
