Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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