You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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