i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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