Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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