Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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