i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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