you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he fucked my hip out of place.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
