Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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