Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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