are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
