It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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