Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize