I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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