You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
