My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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