Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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