Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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