I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
