At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
