So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
