in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
