i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
