she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
