she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
