this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
