I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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