my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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