i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so let's talk penis.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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