What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
