what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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