i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
