did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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