Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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