I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
