Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
