New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
