im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
