I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
