I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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