There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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