You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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