You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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