We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
