Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
