u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
