this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
