Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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