My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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