Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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