my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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