I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
