I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
