i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
