glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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