i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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