I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
